Wanting to be Healthy, A Health Guide’s Confessions on Dieting
by ktagilbert on April 21, 2013 at 12:00 PM EDT

TDietinghe enticing chewy, chocolatley-ness of brownie bites in a frozen yogurt had me stumped. I wanted this treat but knew I shouldn’t eat it.

Still, my mind went back to the dessert. I could add cookie dough bites to it and combine this with coco pebbles. It would be just like when I was eight and my mom and I would go to the store for a puffed rice chocolate bar. Except now I am 19 and have a slower metabolism, am less active, and have had more to eat than my growing eight year old self already today. Still, I debated the issue. It came down to what I wanted more and I knew it—a tiny waist or the brownies in frozen yogurt.

The frozen yogurt won but not because I wanted it more. No, it was because I was tired and hadn’t been eating healthy all day. It was the easy decision and I regret it because the chocolatey brownies didn’t even make me happy. I enjoyed them and I enjoyed the company I had while consuming them, but then I sat there confronted by the models of Project Runway and Nina Garcia’s comments on one of their tiny waists. I wanted that waist. I used to have that waist. It was then my stomach felt like a led weight around my torso and my arms felt flabby.

It is easy to give in though. Weight doesn’t actually matter. Some of the most gorgeous people I know are plus-sized and that is because plus-sized can mean healthy, happy, and pretty; prettier than starved models that is for sure. But I am not being healthy or happy.

Moreover, everyone around me lets me give in. The words of my boyfriend echo in my ear whenever I want to get a cheeseburger. He just wants me to be happy. Not deprive myself of anything. But I’m not. I’m over-consuming.

Finally, there is my body. It is “normal.” Not “curvy,” “voluptuous,” or “BBW” standing for “Big, Beautiful Woman,” no I am normal. So if I indulge, it is okay. This is true, but I am not indulging, I am simply overeating. I am stuck in a rut.

No longer am I content with healthy meals. Instead, I feel deprived and empty for some reason and it is making me lose track of what I want.

This is a problem for many around me as well. They go on “diets” and the moment they do, they wake up and feel deprived before they have even changed their eating habits. The film, “Hungry for Change” points this out as well. Dieting makes me hungrier in the end. Right now especially, feeling big and with a saccharine taste left on my tongue, I am sick of falling for that false hunger that dieting leaves me with.

I am confronted with its results everyday. I shave my legs and when I go to rub the shaving cream on my calves, I feel flab instead of the muscle I should have after six months of kickboxing, spin, and circuit training classes at the gym. This or I go to my skinny friends’ apartments and agonize over what to wear to hide my stomach to seem more like them.

I eat salads in front of them and then go home to eat the unhealthy stuff. It’s not even unhealthy but just too much. I don’t need yogurt after dinner or any snack for that matter. I don’t need a salad and something else. I just need to cool it.

Yes, dieting is a lie. We purposely deprive ourselves of food to lose the weight. This or we gain more weight depending on how successful we are and then gain even more  after the diet is over to compensate for our success. It is how Biggest Loser contestants go from big to thin, and big again after the competition is over.

I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to make excuses for my eating habits or see flab around my waist instead of lean muscle. Nor do I want to keep starting over diet-wise. Yet, I still need to commit to a lifestyle change.

The only problem left: I am addicted, like the majority of America, to bad food. The fact is, our bodies are programmed to want sugar and carbs [which are digested as sugars].

This craving for junk stems from primordial survival skills. Fatty foods were gold mines to compensate for days without eating and so our bodies learned to want more of these foods to survive. Now, we have food everywhere and we have to learn to resist it; a hard feat when food is advertised and intentionally made to look appealing to us.

Sitting next to a woman on the train to Portland, Oregon drinking a diet soda, I am tempted to copy her. If she, a skinny woman, can drink it, I can too. Moreover, if my best friends can have dessert after every meal, I can too, right?

No. I have learned this is in the past the hard way. Now, I want more for myself than sugar-laden foods and empty calories. I truly want to be healthy. The only problem is remembering this want. Hopefully after my run tomorrow, the desire will fully sink in.

Don’t Just Be Fit, Be Gamer Fit

Leave your comments below and add to this discussion. Like what you saw, follow us on Twitter @GamerFitNation, like us on Facebook and follow us on Google+ GamerFitNation!

Leave A Comment

Latest Video Uploads